Zen Diary 2012

15 May 2012

Past week or so I’ve had really long shifts, I think this weekend will be my third one on. Today though I’m feeling really sick which is very unlike me so I’m off back to bed. I’ve been up and down all night and am exhausted.

11 May 2012

Finally yesterday my sister Kerrie’s service took place in Lowestoft. I’m really pleased that it all went very well and the reaction from the congregation was lovely. They were so pleased that I hadn’t focused on religion but had steered the service towards celebrating Kerrie as a person, giving people an idea of the life she had led.

The service began with Jimmy Nail’s song Big River; the lyrics typify life in the North East particularly when Kerrie and I were little and although it relays some of the hard times Geordies have coped with it finishes on a lovely high point “…the river will rise again”.

Kerrie’s husband Stuart welcomed people with a few words; he isn’t a great speaker but did so well especially after what he had been through during the past two months. Following Stuart, Carol (my wife) recited a lovely poem after which Christine (our sister) read a piece.

Benita and I sang Kerrie’s favourite song ‘The fields of Athenrye’ after which I read out my prepared eulogy. On several occasions I went off the beaten track but I learned later that people enjoyed this; it appeared real and gave additional insights into Kerrie as a person.

The service finished with the Lord’s Prayer being recited through Mark Knopfler’s instrumental ‘Going home’ from Local Hero, and it was lovely to hear everyone joining in. Kerrie wasn’t especially religious but a friend made me aware that guests may be, and may want to contribute vocally to Kerrie’s service. Good advice, thank you Trevor and Norma.

Kerrie’s community were the most lovely warm hearted people I could have wished for her to be a part of and I felt very honoured to meet them all. They have assured me that they will take care of Stuart as he continues through his grieving process and one has even agreed to go with him to Lanzarote to take 1/3 of Kerrie’s ashes for scattering.

For now I’m reflecting on the good times and happy memories of my sister……

02 May 2012

Just thought I’d check in to reassure readers I’m fine. I read my previous entry and didn’t want folks concerned. The waiting and planning for Kerrie’s service has taken it’s toll on me a bit but I still get great patches in the day when I can laugh out loud. the kids are real therapy when they stay over

Most of you know my birthday is looming and my lady Ms Grace has treated me to an ipad which I’m finding brilliant for what I do (writing). It’s lifted my spirits and taken my mind elsewhere; I’m looking for ways to work on my Diploma and my biography on it smoothly – which may take me a bit of time to fathom out. Microsoft word is not available for ipad and so I’m looking at alternatives. Having said that the iCloud is brilliant for downloading my documents.

Anyways – moving into the present day technology wise – I may change the format of my website so that it becomes easier for people to read latest posts rather than having to grunt through old stuff to get to the up-to-date work. Hopefully you will keep the faith. This whole autobiography has not just been my journey, it’s also been a long road for those die hards (I know who you are) so please bear with me.

I’m going back to work on Friday, my birthday, because although I’m still in grief I feel a real need for normality. Bless y’all x Love Alan x

26 April 2012

I’m really starting to feel quite low now. I think the impact of losing Kerrie is taking it’s toll because it’s taking so long for the funeral to be arranged. Finally I have a date; her service will be on 10 May at 12 noon and even that seems ages away.

As I unearth more photographs of Kerrie (as a child) I feel so hurt by the sadness in her eyes. As children from a broken family we were all at risk of abuse and neglect and it pains me to think I wasn’t in a situation to protect her. There are so many things I don’t know and now never will, and while I’m coming to terms with that I’m trying to plan the service respectfully. Just listening to the chosen music is really difficult but I need to do it to ensure the timings are all right. And though some of my photos are distressing to look at I can’t seem to stop; they’re on my phone so that she is with me all of the time. My (newly found) cousin Jane is going to ask her Mum if she has any more photos and so I’m hoping I get a few that shows Kerrie happy and loving life.

I think during the next few days I need to complete all preparations for the service and then fight to get back into some sort of normal life; once I know in my own mind that things are ready I’ll be able to focus on other things – my Diploma work is the first thing that springs to mind.

To my readers I’m sorry if I appear negative today. You know from reading my biography that I do rise again but by the same token I don’t deny feeling like shit when I feel like shit. Thank you sincerely for your messages of condolence through the various methods; your support always lifts me. And for what it’s worth I still have plenty of stories to come that will make us all Laugh Out Loud. Bless you all. Alan x

25 April 2012

Just a quick welcome to a couple of new readers. Jane a cousin the daughter of my Father’s brother Trevor) wrote to me on my 1955 page; I’m really happy to have found another blood relative (x). Also Rob and Kathryn, the landlord and landlady of the Woodman pub in Ripley where I used to play many years ago; they said hi on my musician page and it;’s great to be in touch again:) Such is the power of the internet.

It’s looking like my sister’s funeral may be on my birthday next week (4/5 May) and if that be the case so be it. I just want an end to things now really.

22 April 2012

I went to work today for my fourth shift and have to admit I was beginning to struggle in staying focused. With everything I need to do in the coming week I think the strain is beginning to show a little and so management have have signed me off on compassionate leave until after Kerrie’s funeral. I’m very thankful for that. I’ve added a new page to my website with photos of Kerrie which I’ll update as I find them. Thank you everyone who has given me support through this very difficult time x Alan

21 April 2012

Happy birthday to my Ms.Grace, Carol. I often tease her that I am her toy boy because I don’t become the same age as her for another 14 days! This year will be no exception

I’ve just done my 3rd shift at work since my sabbatical and my colleagues have been wonderfully supportive. When I think that my contract ends in September, and that I may have to come to terms with leaving, I think there are quite a few folks that I will genuinely miss. Because of my temporary transient status I think I’ve deliberately stayed a little removed and accepted that I am at least getting valuable experience and a qualification. Whatever happens, as with everything in my life, I’ll accept my fate like a gentleman.

Great news in that my best friend Joseffi was allowed home today. I went to see him after work and although he has pains he’s a happy bunny. I’m very relieved.

Just a note to welcome new readers x Thank you. I do know when new readers come along but I don’t know who they are unless they comment or email me (which you are always welcome to do). I think I need to say that my autobiographical writings are on hold for a little while because I’m engrossed in study until September and I only have so much brain space; but I will continue to be here online everyday. Having said that I will write at any time I get the opportunity to do so and so if you want to keep up to date just click on the ‘subscribe’ button and you’ll get an email of any new post. Take care Alan x

20 April 2012

It looks like my sister’s funeral is going to be at the back end of next week; there have been a lot of complications for Stuart in finalising arrangements. I’m not too sure about what is happening but it seems like three parties need to liaise (hospital, funeral directors and the registrar of deaths) and clarify everything before we can proceed. The whole issue is now beginning to dominate my thoughts and I’m becoming angry that we haven’t yet been able to lay Kerrie to rest. In the meantime Stuart and I are designing the service and at Kerrie’s request I’ll be singing the Fields of Athenrye and Jimmy Nail’s Big River. Rehearsing these songs have been something of a nightmare but it is what Kerrie wanted . I saw a nice pair of cuff links on-line in the shape of the letter ‘K’ and so have ordered them.

Between my own ramblings I’ll just send good wishes to my friend Phil who has flown into UK from China for his Mother’s funeral; my thoughts are with you Phil. If my readers would like to read Phil’s biography and see what the connection is between he and I just click the link here on my website.

My best friend Joseffi is in Kings Mill Hospital recovering from a knee replacement and fortunately seems to be doing well. Hopefully in the coming days he will be transferred to Newark to complete his treatment which will make visiting a lot easier for the family, Carol and me.

It’s Carol’s birthday tomorrow and although I’ve asked her outright if there is anything she would like it seems there isn’t. I’ll take that as a compliment that my lady has everything in the world she could possibly desire; having said that I have bought her a gift but I can’t publish it here in case she sees it.

I think I’m finally creeping into the real world having joined Twitter which I’m really enjoying. I love that I can let off steam about issues that p*ss me off. If any of you are on Twitter give me a shout so I can follow you. My updates can be seen here on my site.

I’ve decided that when I write my diary to include a picture to make it a little more interesting and give an idea where my head is at. I took this photo of myself on a beach in Goa as I began coming to terms with losing her. After taking the picture I sat there until the tide came in and took it away but I get a lot of comfort from the fact that I still have the picture.

19 April 2012

It’s Carol’s birthday on the 21st and I have no idea what to buy her (all ideas considered). We’re both almost the same age, she is 13 days older than me, and after having been together 38 years the task of what to buy her doesn’t get easier. Yesterday I found a Tesco catalogue at work and was mulling through it to get some inspiration; the day before, I browsed the Amazon site for the same reason. In the past I’ve been quite fortunate as for some reason divine intervention has opened my eyes and so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that He is looking down on me again.

The other day I’d been drooling over a bottle green MG drop-top for sale nearby and Carol said ‘get it’. Being the cautious so-and-so I am I decided to think about it although the next time I passed that way it had gone. Sometimes things happen for a reason and so I think maybe the car wasn’t meant to be; anyway (he says) I don’t think Mowgli would have had enough room in the back.

I’m off work on a study day today but have made the professional decision not to study; I need a clear focused head for that and right now I don’t have that. I’m still liaising with Kerry’s partner Stuart to make the arrangements for her funeral and trying to get my head around how the service may go. Carol has said I should sing the ‘Fields of Athenrye’ for her, which at the end of the day I will probably do, but the thought of it at the moment is making me quite stressed. I need to take my feelings out of the situation and do for my sister what she would have wanted.

18 April 2012

Some time ago it was mooted that my contract at work was to become permanent and that I should wait for a letter from HR. When I got back from India there was the said letter waiting – offering me a further 6 month temporary contract! I suppose at least I’ll get to the end of my Diploma course which is gold in the pocket when looking for a new position; in the meantime I think for now I need to keep all options open. Watch this space.

Still no news on Kerry’s funeral date. Work has, as always, been very supportive of my situation and said I can take time out if I need to although I’m hoping not to go up that root. After having a month off I really feel the need to get back to some quasi-normal existence. Life continues to feel transient while ever things like this drag on.

Hoping to begin recording my Indian album soon; I’ll be seeing my producer Trevor next Wednesday and hopefully arrange some dates in the studio. I want to complete it before I return to India so that I can get air play on Indian radio. Of my ten songs I’m really loving ‘Indian Lullabye’; I’m thinking of singing a couple of the songs at the forthcoming Southwell Folk Festival but haven’t decided yet. The album (as always) is designed to raise the profile of Xander’s Children’s Fund and raise funds for the work we do at Kiran Niketan. Let me know if you’d like a copy x

17 April 2012

So back to work today from 1pm till 10pm. Walking into a full staff meeting (1-2) that doesn’t light my life up but it’s probably better than meeting 40 staff in dribs-and-drabs. It seems an alien thing to do given the past month but then it’s also the normal thing. My phone App tells me I retire in 1111 days so may that is at least something to celebrate.

The biggest thing on my mind right now is Kerrie’s funeral and there’s still no date set for that so I’m waking up in a bubble every morning. Carol has suggested I sing for her at the service but I need time to think about that. I’ve been scouring the net on Stonehaugh to try to get ideas of where to lay her ashes but I’ve come up with a blank at the moment. I’m only just realising the underlying stress of it all and the need in me to complete the needful. Perhaps going back to work will balance my thoughts a bit.

My close friend Joseffi had a knee replacement done yesterday and I went to see him last night. He looks great. He always does after surgery; I remember going in to see him after a triple bypass and because of the neat oxygen he looked like a new born. Quite an inspiration for an 80 year old.

Mowgli has just about settled now after his jollies now which I’m glad about. He’s a nervous soul and I hate to see those whites of his eyes. Fortunately these days that’s quite rare.

Thanks to all readers, as always, who message and comment; nice to know you’re there. Alan x

P>S> Good luck in the UK Philip, my thoughts are with you.

15 April 2012

Slowly readjusting to the time zone and climate. It’s taken me two days to strim one lawn and I still have another three to go. I’m not back at work till Tuesday afternoon so I’ve been able to settle Mowgli back home and chill out to some degree.

Kerry’s funeral is still looming and I sometimes struggle with the thought of that. I struggle more with the thought that she hasn’t yet been laid to rest and so for that reason I wish things would move on.

Looking forward I suppose it’s back to the grind for my last three years at work; as you know this year I’m grunting my way through my Diploma. My job is still temporary even though the powers that be have tried to make it permanent. I’m indifferent really; whatever will be, will be.

My daughter asked if I had come back down to earth yet after my holiday and I think I said yes physically but no mentally. I’ve never been one to just forget that I was thousands of miles away a couple of days ago, hence a photograph to remind me.

14 April 2012

Arrived back in UK on 12 April really tired and jet lagged. I’d forgotten how much I hated feeling disorientated. The best bit about coming home was picking up Mowgli from Sheila and Joe’s. I know from phone calls that he’s been fine and settled but I still needed to physically see him.

Sadly I lost my sister Kerrie while I was away which on the one hand I expected but on the other left me stunned. I was so thankful I had managed to see her recently and glad that when I got the news that I was away in India to come to terms with my grief privately. Carol and John were very supportive as were my Indian friends. At some point the funeral will take place and at Kerrie’s request her ashes will be split three ways.

Kerrie’s partner Stuart is to take his ashes to the Canary Islands where they spent their happiest times and Mia is to take her ashes to Rowlands Gill Park (Tyne and Wear) where as a Mother Kerrie spent hours with her young daughter. Carol suggested that I take my ashes home to Stonehaugh in Northumberland which was the only place Kerrie and I lived together as brother and sister which I have decided to do. I like to imagine that those early days in that tiny village were happy ones albeit brief.

It occurred to me while taking in my loss how genuinely caring my Indian friends were; it’s strange to say but I seem to have more close friends there than here in the UK. It’s probably because back here I’m quite reserved and very close about who I share what with; in India I don’t feel I have to be that way and so probably come across more openly.

My holiday was a wonderful experience, it was so nice to go back after two and a half years. In so many ways it was almost as though life had stood still there; the house and gardens were just so familiar and friends just came from everywhere to reconnect. I think the hardest thing about coming home is having to readjust back into the rat race but thankfully I’m in the autumn of my years with that with my retirement being three years away. I know already where I will be going to celebrate that.

19 March 2012

Just a quick note to my faithful readers. As you know I’m going to India on Saturday and right now I feel like crap and so probably won’t write my diary on this page. What I will do though is try and post little updates on the home page through the App on my mobile just to say ‘Hi’ and to tell you how sticky I am in the Indian heat. Love to all Alan x

17 March 2012

Been a while since I updated my personal diary here; I guess most of the time I’m just so tired. Carol is still off poorly (third month) and so I’m something of a carer at home but work has been a little hectic too what with my course and my shifts.

Last night we did the Irish gig which, because I’m feeling so tired and drained, has left me pole axed but it was a really good night with a great turn out. That’s the main thing I suppose. I can’t deny I’m glad it’s over because rehearsals have really crept into my time which right now I need for other things. I’m too stretched mentally and physically and so ready for a rest. I think when I get home to Bananaville in India on Sunday I’ll probably do nothing for about two days -other than enjoy the climate.

The day before the gig I got news that my sister has been taken into hospital with terminal cancer and I’m beside myself with worry, especially since I’m going abroad on Saturday. She won’t get her prognosis until Tuesday and so I’m going down on Wednesday to see her. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened when I was away and I hadn’t seen her. She’s down in Norfolk which is about a couple of hours away and hopefully I’ll get to spend the day with her.

I’ve got this wordpress app on my phone which I’ll try to use while I’m in India to update my site. Fingers crossed. Mowgli has had a couple of tea visits to our close friends Sheila and Joe which is where he is staying while i’m away; he’ll go there on Wednesday too while I go down to Norflolk. I’m so going to miss him but as friends have said it’s not as if he’s back in quarantine – Sheila and Joe adore him. Hope you’re all well xx

29 February 2012

Leap year ladies! Go on … propose to the guy you love! (And tell me all about it).

I’m on a long shift today till 3pm tomorrow so forgive me if I don’t answer your mails etc straight away.

My visa finally came back and the cheek of it they gave me three months! I think it’s because I still have my permit and they’re scared I’ll stay there and employ myself. My daughter Sam has just returned from India and it’s great to know people are looking forward to seeing us. I’m counting the days now.

Meanwhile I’m still rehearsing the Dinosaurs for Irish Night and I hope to upload a few pix of the evening after the event. For now have a great day and I’ll be back tomorrow x

25 February 2012

The virus is still lurking and I’m still very lethargic; I’ve had two days off which is very unlike me and I have a feeling that I’ll be needing another two so I may not be back at work till Monday. Being the kind of person I am to sit doing nothing is not an option and so I keep flitting from one thing to another. The problem is because I feel debilitated I can’t really do much that requires a lot of thought. So instead of doing a bit of Diploma work I find myself folding up the washing. More paracetamol.

I got my pension forecast yesterday which is really good and has put Carol’s mind at rest. With about three years to go we can put our minds to deciding where we will buy our last house although I know we favour Wales. I suppose it depends on work opportunities because although I will retire and take my benefits I have no intention of not working; in an ideal world I will have finished my studies and be in a position to do 3 or 4 days a week in a job I like (with children).

The visa office tell me my passport is on it’s way back to me and should arrive today; I’ll be interested to see if they have granted me a 12 month visa – or just a 6 month visa; the whole process has been such an arsehole. Fingers crossed.

Don’t forget to call in on Philip’s website if you get the chance, the link is on my page here.

23 February 2012

So yesterday I finally dragged myself into the dentist; I’d been anxious about it for days. Mia, my dentist, asked if I had eaten and I said I hadn’t. Apparently if your having anaesthetic you need to have eaten something. Anyway she gave me one dose which turned out to be enough for the front tooth filling and in fairness I didn’t feel a thing. It’s such a relief not having that dull pain that’s been around since December. to celebrate I went out for a liver dinner at my local.

On the Diploma front I was quite worried that I had fallen behind somehow but it turned out I hadn’t which is a big relief. Still a long way to go but I’m starting to feel confident now; I’ve done 5 units out of 21.

My daughter Tracey and grand daughter Bubbles have been with us for the past few days and it’s been really lovely having them to stay. They’re going back to Newcastle in about 10 minutes so I’ll be shipping out in a minute.

Today I’m having a day off sick with a virus. It’s the first time I’ve been sick in years and it’s really knocked me out. I think I’ll be taking tomorrow as well so if I’m not as available as I usually am at least you know why.

The sun has finally come out today so I may sit in the garden for a while; it’s just so nice not to be freezing. x

20 January 2012

Just a quick welcome to new readers/subscribers. I’m always told when new people sign up – although not told who or any of their details. The only time I know who is reading is when they write a comment on one of my posts or send me an email directly. To those who have written comments, thank you; I always reply. To those who sign up anonymously may I bid you welcome and hope you enjoy your visit(s).

Back at the ranch I’m really looking forward to my eldest daughter Trace and grand daughter Bubbles arriving today from Newcastle for a few days, it’ll be great to see them. Number two daughter Sam is still in India for another week and has been announcing my impending arrival to friends and folks who know me. I am so looking forward to feeling a bit of sunshine on my back. Number three daughter Benita is still well ensconced in her cottage down there in Wales and I’m hoping to see her in May. Jai Ho to a busy year

18 February 2012

Hoping readers like my new post on the home page ‘counting the days to going home’. I’m really starting to get excited now. Still got a few ‘biggies’ to claw through before then; the dentist on the 22 february and a few more units for my Diploma. But hey I can do that. I just can’t wait to put my feet back on Indian soil that words fail me. Sorry if I’m boring but today I just want to wallow

In the long term I’ve just had confirmation that I CAN retire at 60 so I’ll be counting those days down before long; from today I have 1170 days left to work I think my plan will be to retire, take my dues and then go back into working as a music therapist part time. That might give me time to carry on with my ‘paused’ biography?

07 February 2012

Typically tyhe visa applications were returned unapproved but I almost expected that anyway knowing how the Indian Embassy works. My last visa was a business one and because I’m applying for a one-year tourist visa they want a written statement to say I won’t be engaged in work or business. So they are once again back in the post with said letter enclosed (watch this space). On the bright side my International Driving Licence arrived today and is valid for five years; I don’t think I’ll want to be gallivanting behind the wheel of some foreign car after the age of 62 so that works for me.

Rehearsals for Irish Night are going well, we have twenty songs, all quality and from the best Irish bands around. I’m really enjoying music again it’s a great relief from Diploma work – speaking of which I have some catching up to do.

The freezer and the log sheds are full so given the weather I don’t give a monkeys if I get boxed in; there’s actually something comforting about that in an odd sort of way. Love to all x

02 February 2012

Thursday teatime and a three day weekend off in front; that works for me! One of the beauties of shift work is that I get lumps of time off regularly which is quite nice particularly with Carol being unwell.

India is on my mind a lot right now so I’m really going to have to concentrate to get some course work done – I don’t want to go away thinking I’m behind. I’ve posted off the visa applications which can be very tricky to fill in and it’s not unusual for them to be sent back time and time again. I’ve also renewed my International Driving Licence for another 5 years which takes a lot of pressure off.

Back at the ranch UK readers will know how cold it’s starting to get (often -4 degrees) and so some of my time off will be stocking up the old log shed; being cold is not an option, I hate it. Funnily enough I Googled the coldest place on earth and it came up with some place in Siberia where the community often function very well in minus 50 degrees! The thought!

27 January 2012

So finally got most of my teeth sorted out with a bit of grinding and drilling and whatever else they do; I switch off and either go cross-eyed at the bright light or look for inspiration up the dentists nose. Anyway I came out of there with my front deck back intact and ‘look forward’ to Feb 22 (not) when the real stuff happens at the back of my mouth. At least I can eat again

Meanwhile, back at the college, I’ve somehow managed to complete 4 units (out of 20) and am digging into number 5. The thought of getting behind gives me the creeps so it will be nose to the grind often till August. Apart from during my sabbatical to India when everything can go jump.

Carol has been really unwell this past week; she’s been off with a bad back for weeks and much of it has been either in pain or bombed out on pain killers. I think the back is manageable now though because she’s planning to go back to work next Friday IF her new chair is there! She’s also stopped smoking and is doing really well although because she’s gone ‘cold turkey’ she has a few difficult moments.

Mowgli is phab and because Carol is home so much he’s got company 24/7 at the moment. As Carol has started to improve she’s also been taking Mowgli out more for walks and so there’s a healthy thing going on in here right now. Not sure why but in the last 10 minutes Mowgli boffed up all over my tax disc application – excellent – I wish I’d thought of that myself

18 January 2012

First time in a dentists chair for yonks and almost wet meself. On top of that it was a female dentist so I had to look cool. No doubt about it she saw straight through me. Anyways whatever is going on in my mouth is a work-in-progress because I came out of there with two more appointments. Turns out today was nowt short of an inspection and the real deal starts a week on Thursday Don’t know much about their terminology but ‘root canal’ didn’t pass me by. OOooo. What’s worse is I missed a tutorial at college and the second appointment (22 Feb) lands on college day too. I think I need to keep me head down from my assessor for a while.

16 January 2012

Just before Christmas I was having some rough-and-tumble with Mowgli and he accidentally knocked a crowned tooth out at the front. When I phoned the dentist they said they couldn’t see me till January (and they still haven’t. In the meantime my other teeth seem to have been trying to fill the gap and left me with appalling tooth ache so I’m going to try and get in today or tomorrow. If one thing makes me totally disfunctional it’s tooth ache on top of which it seriously affects my capacity to eat the copious amounts I usually enjoy. Wish me luck.

11 January 2012

On a long run of shifts through the weekend now but I’m cool with that because I have a three day weekend off next week. Had quite a lot going on with my Diploma in the last couple of days (observations, assignments etc) but they’ve all gone well so I’m dancing about that. I’m a little bit behind so I need to pull in some work to make sure I’m in front before I go to India in March. I’m so looking forward to ‘going home’ that I want to go with a clear mind and not have to even think about the UK; apart from my beloved four legged friend of course. And I’m delighted that our best friends Sheelee and Joseffi are looking after him – at our house if he doesn’t settle at theirs; I’m just so relieved about that ) Particularly since over the past few weeks he’s not been 100% since pulling a tendon in his leg.

My internet connection has been really pants for months until in the end I finally rang up and gave them a rocket. It seems now that they’ve ‘cleared the line’ which was earthing out somewhere – so far so good; fingers crossed it’s great right now. The lousy connection is one of the main reasons my biography has been on hold for so long (excuses, excuses).

Thanks to those have sent support about my upcoming appearance at the Southwell Folk Festival, it’s a real tonic because come the hour I’ll probably be cr*pping myself x

06 January 2012

Weekend off and I’m liking that although I need to get stuck in to my Diploma. On the bright side my India flights are booked, I fly 24 March and that really uplifts me. Love to all.

05 January 2012

A lovely service today for my old friend who arrived to the strains of Cilla Black’s ‘Your my world’. And such a wonderful turn out. Makes you wonder about your own big day, what they will play, what they will say.

I’ve requested, in line with my faith, that my ashes are scattered on my three favourite rivers so that people who know me will all get a chance to wave me off or make a vee sign.

For those who want to do the needful you just need to pick a river and turn up.River Tyne (Newcastle), River Trent (Nottingham) or River Mandovi (India). For those who can’t make it to any of the venues I’ll try and organise U-tube; that also gives those who had no intention of turning up the opportunity to send me off with a piece of their minds. Oooo!? Good song material that; reading musicians get off it’s mine!

04 January 2012

Just had a couple of Night Wakes shifts and they really pole-axe me; I slept till about 1pm and then took my little four-legged friend for a gentle walk around Kelham Park. I have tomorrow off thank Heavens although it’s a sad day really. I’m going to the funeral of a guy I’ve known for many years and I’ll really miss him.

On the musical front I’m getting quite excited about the Southwell Folk Festival even though it’s not till June. You have the option of singing standards or your own compositions so I’ve decided to take the plunge and do my own stuff. It’s really great rehearsing my own songs again although strangely I don’t need written lyrics, I think I must have impaled myself with them when I wrote them; it’s the arrangements I need to concentrate on. Bring on the harmonicas.

02 January 2012

Mowgli is still ‘excused boots’ to rest his leg (he damaged a tendon chasing rabbits) but I think he’s on the mend. His limp is less noticeable now and so I’ve started taking him on short walks out of the garden. Although he has a massive garden he isn’t a dog who likes to be confined and so we’ve been up the lane to see the cows a couple of times. I love seeing him with the cows, they have a bizarre relationship which includes the mutual licking of noses.

Carol is still off work with back problems and is on very strong pain killers. I think it may be a long job; sleeping is very difficult for her and the more pain she is in the more pills she needs to take. I think at this time in life I’m very fortunate to be working shifts and having my work base 2 miles away. Here’s to hope that she improves in the not-too-distant.

I think in terms of multi-tasking I’m going to have to seriously focus over the next few weeks. Whilst balancing looking after my family with my Diploma work and other work related stuff, I still have a strong desire to develop my folk music. I can see the time coming when I have to put my beloved Takemine in it’s box to reduce the temptation of picking it up; that doesn’t bode well with me in the creative mood I’m in.

01 January 2012

So here we are again at the start of a brand new year and the first thing I wanted to do was to say thank you to my readers here, I really appreciate your support and your comments and I hope that you continue to stay with me through the next 12 months as you have with the last 12 months.

Whatever resolutions you’ve made may I wish you the best of luck and whatever dreams you have I sincerely hope you realise them.

For me I guess I’m past making promises on New Year’s day but like everyone else I do have hopes, plans and dreams for 2012, not least of which is to visit in India in March/April and to finish my Diploma by August. I also hope to regenerate my folk singing career and hope to perform at the Southwell Folk Festival in June – watch this space for that one.

For now though (having just come off shift) I’m off to bed, but love and warmest wishes to all as you step out into 2012 xx Alan xx