Coming to terms with the new normal

The past week has been such a mixture of happiness and sadness there have been times when I haven’t known whether to manically burst into tears or laughter. My emotions have been so all over the place I’m bewildered that I got to the end of the week. I’m sure somewhere along the line I’ve probably upset dozens of people but I can’t even remember who I’ve spoken to.

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For the first couple of days cousin Tricia and her partner Alan came to stay which was lovely; she’d driven down from the midlands bringing me a car I had bought from her to save me having to go up and get it as I’d only just done that journey last week to see my old friend Chand. As well as having them stay I was very happy with the car, a Vauxhall Agila, which I wanted as a runabout while I took my Rover off the road to respray and fit a new convertible roof.

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Not long after Tricia and Alan left to go home our daughter Sam came to stay from Australia and prior to her coming I was really sitting somewhere between nervous and excited. I was nervous because it had been three years since we’d seen her and we had all parted on quite strained terms; but that aside I was very excited for obvious reasons and also because I loved her so much and just hoped the reunion went well. To cut a long story short it did go extremely well and I’m so relieved about that X 

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(My lovely daughter Sam)

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Sam was a very good friend to both my closest friend Chand who I had recently visited following his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and also to Sheila our close friend who had recently suffered a stroke. During her stay in UK Sam had visited Sheila (and her husband Joe) and given them wonderful support; sadly she wasn’t able to see Chand as he was too poorly by the time she arrived and he passed away shortly after. But she did attend his sad though ‘beautiful’ funeral service yesterday which was attended by hundreds of people.

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When Sam visited Sheila one of the things Sheila raved about was the recently holiday that she and Joe had with Carol and I to Gibraltar; Sam relayed back that Sheila was very excited at the prospect of going back there in 2017. Both Carol and I thought for Sheila to have that focus would be an incentive for her to work on her physio and give her something concrete to look forward to and so as I write Carol is online already checking out places in Gibraltar that are wheelchair friendly, has already begun a short list and is intending to book dates as soon as she can. (Gibraltar friends watch this space).

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This week has been one mainly of goodbyes which never bode well with me. Life has very much changed in a short space of time and sometimes I guess it takes a little while to become used to the new normal. In trying to do that I’ve very much put my personal life on hold and spent a lot of time out walking on my own. But as well as the sadnesses I’ve also had the joy of reconnecting with my child and that (for me) is priceless because during our estrangement it had even become difficult to look at old photos of her. 

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Today as Sam flies home to Australia (at 1pm UK time on a 24 hour flight) I can look at our photos and love seeing them. I can cope with that now. Because she’s very much in my heart. And I love that too xxx

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