Like most men I don’t especially like shopping and so whenever I was out and about with my family (my wife and three daughters) they would leave me on a bench somewhere and go off for a bit of retail therapy; a few hours later they would all poll back and I would get the job of carrying all the bags back to the car, as they talked about the new frock or shoes they had just bought.
I didn’t so much mind being parked on a bench for a few hours in fact it was always a wonderful opportunity for me to engage in one of my favourite past times -people watching. Couples old and young would pass by and regardless of how much of a he-man the fella was it was always pretty clear who wore the pants in the house. That concept of the man appearing to be the boss in public whilst always deferring to his wife in private has always intrigued me often to the point of laughing out loud and having to apologise to passers-by with the excuse of ‘passing thoughts’. Better to be thought a little eccentric than to be caught howling with laughter at some big strapping fellow who is terrified of his little lady.
This little drawing from 1993 touches a little on our theme of today. When I look at it I still smile because even though it’s 20 years since I drew it nothing has changed. I could still go out today, sit on a bench and end up apologising for ‘passing thoughts’. I might just do that 🙂
Forgive me but I’m still seething about recent events.
I’ve been married to my lady Ms.Grace for 37 years and anyone who has been married that long will know that a marriage doesn’t survive without a few stand up nose-to-nose screaming matches. Rows about money, the kids, the future, the past are all commonplace and natural. And as you both grow older together your needs, wants and preferences change so much that you are certainly not the same people who walked down the aisle together. Sadly for some the changes are too much and the marriage fails; and I have a lot of sympathy and understanding for folks in that situation.
To argue, as far as I’m concerned, is healthy and perfectly normal but that is where the line is drawn. When physical aggression comes into it then that’s a whole new ball game, particularly when it is a male hitting a female. Don’t get me wrong I’m no women’s lib or girl power supporter; nine times out of ten (to me) that’s just table turning. And as a hard nosed Geordie Boy I’m not the most chivalrous bloke either. But there’s something very vulgar about a male using his physical strength to dominate a female. I have no concept of what goes through a mans head when he looks into the eyes of a female he has just hit, kicked, punched or beaten up. If, (as a married man with three daughters, three sisters and six grand daughters) I had raised my hand to one of my family I don’t think I’d even be able to look at myself in the mirror let alone into her eyes.
It’s very tempting to use swear words to express the disgust I feel for the boy who beat up my grand daughter, even though doing so would make this essay far easier to write. But I won’t; I’ll just think those. But I hope that the fairer sex of our world don’t see males like that as the norm because most men feel exactly the same way that I do that being violent towards women is shameful.
I hope this little blog gets a few ‘likes’ from the male community out there as a show of support and encouragement to all women who suffer or have suffered violence at the hands of a male.