Approaching #rememberanceday is often a time my dad comes into my mind. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I found out from my Uncle Trevor of his dreadful experiences during the war which had left him with mental health issues on top of his physical injuries.
Where I had once castigated him for my own situation I later castigated myself for my own naivety. I don’t think a year has gone by since that I haven’t said sorry to him in my own mind and also told him I loved him. If I have a hero of my own its him. #charleshenrymorpeth Love you Dad X
So yesterday I had my Skype interview for Youth Worker in the North East and it was quite an up and downer. Due to technical reasons it was almost an hour late which left me pacing the carpet but at the end they said I had done a good interview and they liked my presentation. When colleagues asked how it had gone I said I thought I had done ok and was quite upbeat and that they would inform the successful candidate later the same day.
As the day wore on and I had not heard anything by 6pm, 7pm then 8pm I began going back through the interview in my head thinking the worst and castigating myself for not saying this or that. When I got to bed I couldn’t sleep and had totally convinced myself I’d shot it.
This morning after having resigned myself to not getting the job I received an email saying that ‘due to unforeseen circumstances the panel were unable to make a decision until Monday’ and so it appears I’m still in with a chance. Surely if it was a ‘no’ they would just have sent me the ‘sorry but unfortunately you have not been successful’ letter? I have a feeling it’s going to be a long four days in front.
As I prepare to move north to Newcastle I’ve applied for three different jobs and have just heard back from one inviting me to interview. Having driven the 800 mile round trip twice in the past month (looking for a house) with no desire to do it again I asked for a Skype interview and they granted it. They will tell me on Monday when my interview will be but meantime I’m left with a mixture of being nervous and excited. I’m sure there is a word to describe that mixture of feelings but fight now I’ve no idea what that is. On Sunday I will prepare my ten minute presentation and then …… wait.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been under the kind of stress I’ve endured for the past four months and looking back I’m not even sure if I’ve ever been under such stress. And though I know there will be an end to it at some point it sometimes is hard to imagine that until all of a sudden something happens and then you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Twenty five years ago I carried my granddaughter Bubbles (also known as Katie) everywhere in a papoose come rain or shine and today she sent me the scan photos of the child she is carrying who will arrive and grace our family in February. I’ve always seemed to have a knack at guessing the gender of an unborn; I was right with all of my children and grandchildren. Some months ago I decreed that my Great-Grandchild would be a girl even though everyone else in the family insisted it would be a boy.
Today I was thrilled to receive these scan photos of my beautiful little grandchild who is very much the light at the end of my tunnel; and I can barely wait to to go walk about with said child in the brand new papoose my daughter has bought for me. No doubt I will need to once again practice putting bobbles in the hair as I did for both my daughter and my granddaughter although in my wildest dreams I never imagined I’d be doing that for my great-granddaughter too! I am the most blessed of men with no words to describe the excitement I feel as I look forward to meeting Olivia. My little lovely great-granddaughter Olivia X
So sadly the bungalow we planned to buy didn’t stand up to a structural survey and so that is now off the cards. However since our house is sold we are still planning to move mid November and rent a house in the North East while we look for one to buy. That said we are still upbeat and happy really that we didn’t invest and lose a lot of our capital.
At sometime during this week I will give notice to resign my job; interviews were held today and it looks like my replacement will arrive 5 November so it’s all beginning to become quite real now. I have mixed feelings in that I will miss my wonderful colleagues but my excitement at moving back to my homeland is all encompassing. I have applied for several jobs and will not apply for any more now until I hear back from those.
Over the years we have lived in four different countries and so we are quite nomadic and I’ve been very fortunate to have personally visited dozens of countries across the world. During a visit to Eire a few years ago I found myself sat in a pub in Cork during the Folk Festival. The pub was called An Spailpin Fanac and the name totally fascinated me. More so when I asked for a translation and was told The Wandering Labourer.
So the way things are we will definitely be moving to Geordieland on 10 November as our house is sold following the survey and the legal beagles have agreed to work to that date as the new owners have all of their finance in place. Three vans will come down from the north to collect our stuff that we are currently packing although where they will take it to is not yet clear.
We had our offer on the bungalow accepted and then sent in our surveyor who’s report we are still waiting for. His report could say one of three things: yes all is well and so proceed, no all is not well and so don’t proceed or because of x, y or z we need to renegotiate the price. The worst case scenario is the last one of course and if that be the case we have decided we will rent somewhere while we look for another des res but with a bit of luck it will be the best case scenario. Whatever the case we will know over the next couple of days.
Since things are imminent I have alerted my manager and so I am obliged to give one months notice to leave the wonderful job I’ve enjoyed for the past two years on 9 October and it’s with a heavy heart I’ve begun doing that.
As I prepare to move from Wales to my hometown Newcastle I find myself in the middle of a multitude of transitions all with very heavy issues demanding of my mental resources. Selling a house, buying a house, preparing to resign a job I love while applying for a similar one in the north east my main aim is staying focused while trying to find the time to stay cool and carry on. Even positive change has its challenges and on a daily basis I find myself addressing these while working at keeping something of a normal life rolling.
Since 1974 I’ve followed a Buddhist path in life and in times like this I find it very comforting. Having worked full time non-stop since 1971 I’ve also been acutely aware that the world does not owe me a living and if I want something in life there is often no gain without pain.
Having said that I am a very positive man and often take great comfort from the simple quotes given to us all by the greatest of thinkers. This quote from Deepak Chopra has always resonated with me and no less so than at this moment in my life.