Here’s hoping that Dads everywhere had a little acknowledgement from their children yesterday on Father’s Day. I know I spent the day thinking about my Father and some of the complexities around our relationship. I also took time out to think about my own daughters and their relationship with me. As a younger father with no role model I had great difficulty taking on the responsibilities of the role and have often openly admitted to my children that I wasn’t the best daddy at times. In those days I had a poorly paid job and so had to work as a freelance artist to supplement the income which invariably left little time to spend with my children; I also had a dreadful drink problem which years later through therapy I learned was connected to issues of my own childhood. It’s a big relief to me to know that my children now have something of an understanding of where I was at during their earlier years.
To daddy’s all around the world – notwithstanding the billions of fantastic Mums too – who because of the pressures on them don’t have as much quality time with their children as they would like, I salute you. Sometimes when I see young parents struggling to cope with the daily grind of life the role of ‘Unsung Heroes’ springs to mind but take heart; anyone who has been a parent understands and has infinite respect for you.
Forgive me but I’m still seething about recent events.
I’ve been married to my lady Ms.Grace for 37 years and anyone who has been married that long will know that a marriage doesn’t survive without a few stand up nose-to-nose screaming matches. Rows about money, the kids, the future, the past are all commonplace and natural. And as you both grow older together your needs, wants and preferences change so much that you are certainly not the same people who walked down the aisle together. Sadly for some the changes are too much and the marriage fails; and I have a lot of sympathy and understanding for folks in that situation.
To argue, as far as I’m concerned, is healthy and perfectly normal but that is where the line is drawn. When physical aggression comes into it then that’s a whole new ball game, particularly when it is a male hitting a female. Don’t get me wrong I’m no women’s lib or girl power supporter; nine times out of ten (to me) that’s just table turning. And as a hard nosed Geordie Boy I’m not the most chivalrous bloke either. But there’s something very vulgar about a male using his physical strength to dominate a female. I have no concept of what goes through a mans head when he looks into the eyes of a female he has just hit, kicked, punched or beaten up. If, (as a married man with three daughters, three sisters and six grand daughters) I had raised my hand to one of my family I don’t think I’d even be able to look at myself in the mirror let alone into her eyes.
It’s very tempting to use swear words to express the disgust I feel for the boy who beat up my grand daughter, even though doing so would make this essay far easier to write. But I won’t; I’ll just think those. But I hope that the fairer sex of our world don’t see males like that as the norm because most men feel exactly the same way that I do that being violent towards women is shameful.
I hope this little blog gets a few ‘likes’ from the male community out there as a show of support and encouragement to all women who suffer or have suffered violence at the hands of a male.